JOHN DIETERICH
CHAD POPPLE
ED RODRIGUEZ
NICK SAKES


Mr. Art Ceaser,
Disappointed. Disillusioned. Dumbass.

These are some of the words that come to mind when I try to sum up my feelings about you and your "marketing department". Never in my years with DAZZLING KILLMEN did anyone $GRAFT ever ask me to write one of these stupid, fucking "one-sheets". Where did Fischer find you? Wherever it was, I'm inclined to suggest he put you back. Maybe, Art, you could get SKiN GRAFT to change it's motto from "The NOW WAVE > realized" to "Art doesn't do shit". Not very catchy is it? You wanna know why? Because I suck at making up sales slogans!!! It's not my fucking job! I'll tell you what my job is - it's to be the guy in COLOSSAMITE. Remember that? Does that name ring any fucking bells, Art? Once and for all, let me refresh your memory.

1) I live in Minneapolis and have for nearly a year. Not St. Louis. Please stop calling my father and asking for "Rick".

2) I play in a band with different people now. For the last time, their names are:
Ed Rodriguez (guitar) John Dieterich (guitar) and Chad Popple (drums).

(Hey Art, let's review before we proceed. Name COLOSSAMITE'S bass player.) They are all from Wisconsin. They are all 22 years old. What else can I say. They were never in any famous bands. There are no fucking amusing stories. I put an ad in the paper and I found them (just like your wife found you). The end.

Our "sound". If you ever use the terms "Jazz Punk", "Art-Damage" or "Post-Hardcore Stew", I will personally come to Chicago and hang you by your mustache from the Sears Goddamn Tower. That'll be some REAL Art-Damage. I don't know what to call it, but I fucking know what not to call it.

4) Yes, we perform live. We will be touring this April and are playing out very often. Where were you at OOPS(!) iNDOORS? We were there.

In conclusion, Art, I will not write a one-sheet, I don't know how to write one, and I think every one-sheet I've ever read was C - R - A - P. Have a terrible fucking day.

Sincerely,

Nick Sakes
(vocals, guitar)
COLOSSAMITE